


Fall, Falling, Fallen

by hansungchan



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:41:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21970849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hansungchan/pseuds/hansungchan
Summary: It was Fall when they met. Along with the falling leaves, they too are falling for each other. But Winter is coming, and neither admitted they have fallen yet.
Relationships: Lu Han/Wu Yi Fan | Kris
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Fall, Falling, Fallen

**Author's Note:**

> A Merry Christmas everyone!

**P** ain. How exactly does the pain feel like? How do we even describe the pain?

I never truly understood the meaning of that word. Though I have found myself at times tearing up on some television dramas. And I surely did cry a bucket at the ending of my favorite novel, _The Phantom of the Opera_. Looking back at those times, I would like to laugh as I have thought then that I knew what pain feels like. It surely is not like that.

The real pain was incomparable to that moment when you dried up all your tears crying at the end of Titanic. Or when Jamie died on A Walk To Remember. Before I would have applauded for those writers and actors, who I have thought portrayed and written beautifully what sadness and pain feel like.

But now, as I was sitting in the middle of this unknown park, on an old bench, while raindrops fall over my head, I could only keep silence as my company. The only thing I could do is stare in space, watch other people run to find shelter or anything that will keep them dry. Avoiding the rain like it is some disease. On contrary to me, who only let the rain pour all over my already soaked body as if it’s ever going to wash all the ache in my heart away.

My eyes feel hot as if they were burning. But not a single tear fell. I have been sitting here for an hour, ever since before it started raining. And it has been approximately 5 hours since I saw that horrible scene unfold before my eyes. But no, not a single tear fell. And I felt nothing. Like my heart had stopped beating. And there’s nothing I can do but mourn its silence.

_“_ _Are you in pain too?”_

If I let out a small yelp, or if my expression did change somehow into a surprised one because of the sudden voice intruding my silence, I am not sure. I hope not. I cast the boy a glance, who, oddly, is sitting beside me. I never actually felt his presence at all. But then he met my eyes. And he showed me what I can say is just one of the most genuine smile that was hard to see nowadays.

I am no observer. But I did notice a few things about this strange boy.

First, his eyes are really beautiful. Second, he’s really pretty and the denim jacket he’s wearing looks so good on him. And third, he’s drenched in the rain too. Just like me.

Now, I am not a good conversationalist. And this stranger just so happens to intrude my privacy. But maybe pain can make people forget about their awkwardness or fear. Because soon after, I find myself answering to his rather odd question.

_“_ _What does pain even mean?”_ Or asking in return.

The stranger stayed silent for a few minutes. Why did I even try? But on my peripheral vision, I can see him looking down, paddling his shoe at the small amount of water that formed in the mud.

Then I felt him looking at me again. But I didn’t dare meet his gaze.

“That’s a tricky question.” He answered. “Pain comes in many forms and definitions. Pain can sometimes mean yelling or crying. It could also be anger. Or sadness. But if you’re one of the fortunate, then the pain could also mean success.”

“But oftentimes, I think pain is just silence. And sitting in the middle of the park as you let the rain soak you. Yet you couldn’t care less.”

A bitter smile form in me after I heard that. As soon as it did, I felt something else. Something rolling on my cheeks. Something warmer than the cold drops of the rain. And it flows endlessly.

Before I realize it, my vision blurs. The trees that I distinctly see with my eyes a few seconds ago transformed into hazy sights. Sounds of the rain kissing the ground became nothing but an echo of my sobs this time. And my shaking shoulders. I am not sure if it is shaking because I finally realized the coldness of the rain, or if it is because of my pain finally resurfacing its way on my chest.

Suddenly, memories of what happened that morning all struck me again like sharp lightning. Too fast. Yet too painful. The anxious smile of my fiance’s secretary. Her efforts to stop me from entering Joohyun’s office, the poor girl even asked me to drink coffee with her. If I would have known, I’d gladly say yes. Perhaps I’ll even enjoy an ice Americano then. And I would be driving back to my office at this time, with the thoughts of our upcoming wedding to cheer me up from all the stress and problems that are waiting for me there.

But I couldn’t erase it from my memory. The image of Joohyun, my sweet, innocent Joohyun, bent over her table like a rag doll, while some stranger rams into her mercilessly while she begs for it. And maybe what hurts me the most was that Joohyun didn’t even stop for a second to at least explain. She didn’t even try following me, to beg for forgiveness and mercy. Something that I would give. Without a doubt. In the blink of an eye.

Yet Joohyun didn’t. Letting me run away like that as if 5 years of our relationship was nothing to her now. And the sound of her moans, the sight of the other male’s wicked smile as he looks smugly at me, I could never erase it from my memory. The horrible scene that broke my future, my plans, my heart... it carved its way into my mind. And etched itself inside my heart.

I’m not sure now what I’m doing. Making a fool of myself perhaps. By crying and thrashing with the presence of an unknown male beside me. He’s all free to stare. He can even mock me and I will be too tired to punch his pretty face. He could also record me, upload it on the Internet and before I know it, it’s the whole world making fun of my misery. But he did nothing of those. He kept his silence. Sitting beside me, as if he were never there. If not for his eyes that I could feel was boring holes into me.

In the end, after cursing the world, shouting and crying, I could only stare back again at the space. With a heart mourning in silence again for its loss. That’s when the tiredness kicks in. When I ran out of breath to even mutter a single word. In the end, it was the silence that accompanied me still. The rain is pouring over my head. And the stranger in the denim jacket sitting beside me.

* * *

**T** he start of Autumn did not sit well with me. A few months before, I would have imagined my September to be a month full of love and busy preparations for my upcoming wedding that was supposed to be held by December. I’d imagine exiting my office earlier than usual, or coming into work later than any other day, as I drive from cafes to shop, meeting our wedding coordinator and discussing things such as wedding cakes, wedding invitations, wedding rings. It would be a busy month, yes. But a month full of love still. As I know I’d be planning my marriage with Joohyun, my soon-to-be bride.

Alas, things just wouldn’t work out as you thought it would be in the end. If anything, the only lesson I learned from this was that unexpected things happen. Unexpected things such as Joohyun fucking another man and cheating on me. The thought makes me want to smile bitterly.

Sure, I did place a temporary leave notice at my father’s office this morning. I still am not sure how he’s going to react about it. Everything was so abrupt. And right now, my mind is in chaos, my heart’s not even whole, to begin with. I guess I just want solitude. Somewhere. Far from our big yet lonely house, far from the stress of work, far from the memories of Joohyun. Though I haven’t told dad yet about Joohyun’s inexplicable act. It will surely cost vile consequences and I’m just not ready yet to face everything and everyone. Because people will ask. And how, _how can I explain why did Joohyun do what she did when I myself didn’t know why_?

I opened the door of the apartment where I’ll be staying in for God knows how long. I sure am cannot hide forever. But that doesn’t matter. At least for now.

The apartment was just the same as the last time I have seen it, which was last month. Back when I decided to visit and go take a look to make sure that everything was in place. That the walls are painted with cream color, that the three bedrooms were particularly clean, and that the kitchen will be comfy enough for Joohyun’s liking. A small fireplace at the living room, and a space beside the couch where we will be displaying the Christmas tree that we’d put every December. It was the perfect home for both of us. Just like how Joohyun always wanted when she first told me about her dream house when we were 16. A warm home. Not too big, yet not too small. Just enough for a happy family that she longs to have.

And to think that I was planning to live in this house with her.

I couldn’t stop the bitter smile now from forming in my mouth. I dropped myself on the nearest couch and block my view with my arm. _It wasn't supposed to be like this._

I have never thought, _not even once_ , that the first sound the four walls of this house would hear was not of happy laughter. But my broken, faint, sobs.

* * *

**C** offee reminds me of Joohyun. So it was no surprise when the waves of memories kick in all at once as soon as I step foot inside this newly opened coffee shop with the name of _Brusque Cafe_.

Back in the days, Joohyun and I would often go to this coffee shop in Myeongdong after school. We would both order our favorite iced Americano, stay inside the cafe for an hour, and go home before the sunset. Those were the simpler times if I could remember correctly. The times when we both still haven’t realized the big responsibilities that come with our names.

_“_ _One day, I wanted to own a coffee shop. Something that smells just like this. The coffee beans, vanilla, chocolate, cinnamon. I would personally brew my customer’s coffee and serve it to them with a smile.”_

_The sight of Joohyun’s dreamy gaze and smile made me wanna smile too. And so I did. I looked at her and asked, “You can inherit your father’s company. Why would you wanna settle into being a coffee shop owner?”_

_Joohyun snorts at me as if I just said the most ridiculous thing she ever heard. But then she sighed and looked at me with a serious face. “Because it’s my dream. I love drinking coffee. It makes me warm. And I want to share the magic of it to others. Nothing could be more satisfying than warming people’s hearts. I think coffees can do just that.”_

But now those memories suddenly disappeared in this mist my mind created. That innocent smile was replaced by those sinful moans I couldn’t stop hearing. That simple dream became nothing but a fragment of the past that has almost been forgotten.

_‘_ _And I should have known... when Joohyun stopped drinking her coffee and turned into the coldness of the wine instead.’_

Inside the coffee shop, a familiar scent greeted me. The scent of warmness, as Joohyun once described it. The mixture of vanilla, coffee, cinnamon, and chocolate. All wafting through the air in one sweet scent. I can see that the shop was pretty crowded. A violet ribbon-wrapped at the menu stand beside the entrance. The line isn’t that long.

The scent becomes stronger as I am nearing at the counter. I fished out my wallet and grabbed a few bills when a sweet voice spoke. I didn’t realize it was already my turn.

“Hello, welcome to _Brusque Cafe_! Since it is our grand opening, we offer a 10% discount on any of our drinks! What would you like to order, Sir?”

That voice was familiar...

I looked up and a pair of beautiful yet _somewhat_ familiar eyes welcome me. However, those pair of eyes also widen in recognition of me. But what the hell, his surprise face was probably nothing in compared to mine right now.

As a respectable man, I am proud to say I hardly have any embarrassing moments to haunt me at night when I couldn’t sleep. Back in grade school, teachers and even my parents always say I am too mature for my age. So sorry to disappoint, but I have never peed on my pants. You know, typical childhood embarrassment most of us have when we were still little. In high school, I am nothing but popular. Many girls swoon over me but study (and Joohyun) is my priority. I only have a few friends for I am always spending my time with Joohyun (few friends means less embarrassment, just so you know). And I can assure anyone that I have never once embarrassed myself in front of the teachers or other students by slipping face first on the hallways or being scolded because of coming late at my subjects. I always follow the rules. And college, well, it’s pretty boring. Nothing really occurs but study, study, and Joohyun. Same goes when I started to become a fully functioning adult working for my dad’s company. Never have I ever embarrassed myself by forgetting to wear pants, thank you very much. Or even as serious as forgetting what do I have to say in the middle of a very important meeting.

But now, looking back to that time the other day, when I thrashed and shout and cried and justactlikeacrazymadmanwhatthefuckdidIjustdo, just thinking at those embarrassing things I did was something. Yet meeting the other person who happened to have witnessed all those impossible things I have done (and facing him), was another thing. Oh, dear Lords, I think I am suffering another first-hand embarrassment.

“Hey...” _‘Okay, this is really awkward. Should I just go?’_ “Well- uh...” Crap, I didn’t know what to say.

The beautiful boy (did I just pertain to him as beautiful? Anyway never mind), only stare at me in amusement. His sparkling doe eyes were looking at me as if he’s reading my every movement.

“It’s nice to meet you again. You’re that boy from the park, right?”

I scratch my neck and nodded awkwardly. “Y-Yeah.”

The petite boy smiled, showing a row of beautiful white teeth. He takes a memo pad and a pen and looked up at me. “Well, what can I serve you?”

“Oh, right...” I scanned the display of the menu behind him, trying my best to focus on the random names of the coffees and its prices while trying my best to ignore the boy’s obvious staring.

“If you want Sir, I could recommend something,” he broke the silence. He probably cannot take my awkward self anymore that’s why. I made a mental note never to come back to this shop again if that would mean less embarrassment for me.

“Sure,” I answered.

The pretty boy smiled and said, “Hmm, I can’t exactly say it’s our best seller yet since it’s our first day but as a coffee lover myself, I would like to recommend you our pumpkin spice latte. It’s perfect for the season and it will surely warm your heart.”

I wanted to argue with the last statement because I’m pretty sure _‘No one can warm the coldness in my heart made by my fiance’s cheating right now. Especially not your coffee’_ but decided against it when I saw the pretty boy smiling so brightly and warmly at me. Just like Joohyun did years ago.

My heart clenched at the thought again and looked away. I would often prefer iced Americano when going to coffee shops. But iced Americano was also Joohyun’s favorite flavor. It is _our_ favorite. And drinking it would only remind me of the good times that have passed by.

“Okay, I’ll take one of that.”

He beamed at me and then wrote the order on his memo pad. He looks up at me again then asked, “What is your name?”

I hesitated for a moment. Is it a wise choice to say your name to someone who has seen you in your embarrassing state? He’d probably laugh at me and post something about this ‘Yifan’ guy who acts like a madman in the middle of the pouring rain. But then I guess I’d never really have to see him again after this. This will be the first and last time I’ll be setting foot inside this cafe, I swear. So maybe it would be no harm.

“Yifan.”

“You’re a Chinese?” he asked in Mandarin.

Sure, the sudden change of language surprised me for a moment. But I got over it quickly and nodded my head. “Yeah,” I answered back in Mandarin.

“That is so cool, I’m Chinese too! My name’s Lu Han,” he introduced.

“Wow. Great,” I said, trying my best not to let my smile came off as awkward as I am.

Luhan chuckled. For what reason, I do not know. “I guess we have a lot in common than what I expected, huh?”

Before I could respond to that, Luhan already turned his back on me and started doing his things behind the counter. I watched him as he smoothly brews the coffee into the machine and mixed some ingredients I didn’t know of (hey, no judging. I sure do like coffee but I am not that familiar with it). I waited at the corner as some chubby cheeks and young-looking guy covered Luhan’s previous task of taking the customer’s order. I observe this Luhan guy silently in the corner. All I can say was that he knows what he’s doing because his hands move so swiftly and gracefully. Without a doubt did he mix this and that, and press each machine’s buttons as if he’s very familiar with it all. Observing him from here, I can take note of the smile that never left his face.

_So much like Joohyun._

“Here’s your pumpkin spice latte, Yifan. Enjoy!” He handed me a cup of coffee. I didn’t realize I have been staring for too long now. I tried to fix myself and avoid his gaze. I paid for the coffee then coughs as I mutter a quiet “Thanks.”

Right before I could go, he called out a small, “Oh, wait!” to me. I turn my head only to see a tiny dangling orange umbrella keychain in front of me.

I couldn’t say anything until Luhan leans over and grabs my free hand, an act that took me in surprise. He personally put the acrylic keychain in my palm. “I forgot to tell you that we’re giving freebies for our opening. Have a nice day, Yifan.”

* * *

**A** week has passed. A week of moping, crying and just absolutely ignoring the world. Now, Monday morning, as I look at myself in the mirror, I can pretty much say I look totally wasted. And fucked. With the visible stubble growing on my chin, and the dark circles under my eyes. My hair was no good either. I can feel the greasiness due to the lack of wash for the whole week. My breath isn’t so good as well. I can still smell the faint scent of alcohol under my mouth. If the deficiency of food and nutrients took a massive change regarding my body and weight, I’m not sure. I don’t even wanna talk about it right now.

For the past days, I spent it rather unproductively. Well, not really _that_ unproductive. I haven’t answered my parent's calls. I completely turn off my phone, shutting everyone out. But that doesn’t stop me from researching my Joohyun’s new guy. Or boy toy (since as far as I remember I am still Joohyun’s guy and we are still engaged). I spent the nights drinking alcohol and looking for any information about the asshole who dared to ruin us. And voila, I have found _a lot_.

Apparently, the fucker was named _Oh Sehun_. Yeah, even his name sounds like a jerk, right? And unfortunately, he was listed as one of the hottest, youngest yet successful CEO in the whole of Asia (fuck me). He was younger than me and Joohyun (what the fuck is wrong with this kid?!). There were a lot of photos of him on the Internet, almost as if he’s a celebrity rather than a businessman. The article says he inherited his father’s company as soon as he graduated from college. And regarding his educational background (yes, I checked that also), I can say he’s not that bad. Not like any other rich and spoiled kids I have encountered on my high school days, who thought they own the world just because their parents own small chains of companies. He has a few achievements when it comes to academics and a lot in sports. Though I can say his achievements in academics was nothing compared to mine. I believe I am still the best and the perfect guy for Joohyun.

It would not be a surprise if Joohyun and this bastard Sehun met due to business. Since Joohyun started working for his father’s company, she’s the one in charge of handling and entertaining their clients. And the Oh jerk just took advantage of the situation and did unspeakable things to her. I still didn’t know why would Joohyun choose this shit face over me. Sure, he isn’t exactly ugly. But hey, I am confident with my looks too. And yeah, he might be successful despite his young age but, aren’t I as well? And most importantly, I’ll treat Joohyun like a queen that she is, not like some whore to fuck when I’m bored.

I can see it all now. Once I sobered myself from the alcohol. This Oh Sehun guy is no good to Joohyun. He’ll only use her. I am not sure since when did they start doing this behind my back, all I am certain of was that Sehun _knew_ Joohyun was engaged to _me_ yet he still decided to screw us up. I mean, what kind of person would do that if they weren’t so fucked up in the head? He’s probably the type to screw around pretty girls in the business industry and my innocent Joohyun was just unfortunate enough to fall for his trap.

So, I have made a decision. _I will fix this._ I love Joohyun and ever since I was young I always knew we were meant to end up with each other. Others might not understand why. But Joohyun is my soulmate. I wouldn’t just let some bastard to destroy the 5 years of our relationship. And we were supposed to get married this December. She couldn’t just erase all her feelings for me in just one night.

_“_ _I have to win her back.”_

* * *

**A** ll my life, I’d often think of myself as more of a brainy type than a creative one. Memorizing Mathematical equations and Scientific theories were a lot easier for me than creating a short poem. And I’d rather spend a day writing for a research paper than waste it drawing a human (or stick man for me). So I’m kinda surprised at myself when the first place that I go to as soon as I left my apartment was a workshop. More specifically, a workshop to introduce the art of watercolor painting.

Watercolor. Painting. Yikes. Just the thought of anything art related words gives me nightmares. Let’s just say Art is my most loathed subject when I was in high school. The only subject where I received a C minus in my records full of A+.

If anyone told me two months prior to today that I’ll be signing up my name online for an art workshop, I would probably laugh at them until my stomach was throbbing in pain. Because _never_ , in my entire life, will I want anything to do with art. I promised that to myself as soon as I graduated in high school. Now look who’s eating his own words.

The building where the workshop will be held every Wednesday and Thursday is just 15 minutes drive from my apartment. The room was located on the 9th floor. I am not sure what to expect. _‘Well, probably watercolors and paintings because hello, that’s what you sign up for right?’_

As soon as the elevators ding open, I took a deep breath. Holy mother of God, it feels like I was back to that certain time in high school. The times where my heart was thumping loudly on my chest, praying that our Art Professor was sick and was not coming to class that day, to those times where I’d purposely walk slow hoping that the two hours would pass before I reach my room. _‘Oh my fucking God, what am I thinking of signing up my name on this nightmare of a class?!’_

I was about to retract when a certain voice inside my head spoke and remind me of my real intention. Why I signed up my name to learn something that I’ve hated all my life.

_‘_ _It’s for Joohyun, remember? It’s for your_ **soulmate** _.’_

Right. This is for Joohyun. If I remember it correctly Joohyun was the President of our school’s Art club back in the days. And she sketches and paints really well. Maybe if we could share the same hobby, we’d reconnect again. Maybe if I painted her something, her heart would leap in happiness. And she would be reminded of the days when we were happy and contented with each other. She’ll remember how much she loves me. And the wedding will continue and everything would be perfect again.

I was trying to convince myself, smiling at the possible scenarios that will happen if ever things turned out well again after this. Which it will, eventually. I failed to notice a certain boy behind me until his petite body collides with mine. The act brought me back to reality. I turned to him and bow to apologize, the same time when he bowed too, and that results on another yet painful impact on our heads this time.

“Aww!” I groaned as well as him. I rubbed the top of my head which bumpon his and looked up. And for a moment, I thought I suffered head injury because what are the coincidences that I am seeing _this_ person again?

But no. The throbbing pain in my head has vanished. My vision was perfectly normal. And standing in front of me is actually _him_.

The boy in the denim jacket. The boy in that coffee shop who gave me an orange umbrella keychain. That same boy who has really pretty eyes and a remarkably bright smile.

Take note, he’s flashing the same enchanting smile in front of me again.

“Well, if it isn’t you again! What a coincidence to have bumped into you here! I mean not just figuratively but also literally.”

_‘_ _Yeah, what a coincidence,’_ I wanted to say as I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Instead, I could only offer him another awkward smile. “Yeah. I didn’t expect that to happen.” _‘Because honestly, I’m trying to avoid you.’_

Luhan, or as what I remembered was his name, only laughs as if what I said was something hilarious. “So how’s it?” he asked.

I raised an eyebrow at the question, “How’s what?”

“The coffee. Did you like it?”

“Oh. Yeah, um yeah. I liked it.” That was not a lie, just saying. I truly did enjoy the coffee. I’m especially picky when it comes to my food and drinks and I only drank iced Americano for a coffee all my life so the fact that I liked whatever kind of coffee this guy offered me (I forgot the flavor, I’ll make a mental note to search something about pumpkin-flavored coffee later when I got home), says something. I didn’t want to admit but his coffee has the taste of warmth in it.

“I’m so glad you did. Think I could put it now as one of our top recommendations?”

I shrugged. “It’s up to you.” Look, I did not, by any means, want to be rude with my cold response. But this guy suddenly appears out of nowhere. He started talking to me, asking questions as if we were buddies. Not that I hate it. But rather I am uncomfortable. For starters, I could still not ignore the fact that this guy just saw me in my most embarrassing state.

And I so have no intention of ever meeting him again. So I’m not sure if the heavens aren’t just in my favor today or they despise me because they kept on letting me cross paths with this guy.

“Well, then I’ll take that as a yes. I’ll talk to Minseok about that.” He did not even seem the least bit offended at my previous answer. It’s either he did not notice, or he simply didn’t care.

“By the way, what are you doing here?” he asked and started to walk. I did not realize we were blocking the way, standing stupidly in front of each other. Though not like anyone would see, no one’s really in the hallway except for the two of us.

“I'm here for a workshop.”

“Really?” he looks back at me again, his eyes twinkling as I nod my head. “That’s awesome! I am also here because I sign up for a workshop!”

I almost stop on my tracks as soon as he said that. I stare at his retreating figure. He did not seem to notice the absence of my presence. He’s humming a song while skipping through the hallways. While my mind was clouded with thoughts and anxiousness.

_‘_ _He’s also here for a workshop?! Oh no. He can’t be...’_ I shook my head. _‘It’s impossible. No, he can’t be at the same workshop as mine. He’s not the type of person to like Art, right?’_

_‘_ _Oh for fuck’s sake! He’s_ **totally** _the creative and artsy type!’_ I almost wanna dig my own grave at that moment because just what kind of sorcery is this?!

“Hey! Why are you doing just standing there? You ain’t coming?” he called from afar.

I only nod my head and silently followed. A mutter of curses escaped my lips. _‘No. He can’t be. Relax, Yifan. There are a lot of workshop classes they offer on this floor. And watercolor painting is not the only art-related. There’s sketching, basic pottery, wood carving... Yeah. He can’t be at the same workshop class as yours. That would be too coincidental.’_

In the end, it turns out nothing is _too coincidental_ when I became Luhan’s involuntary seatmate at the Watercolor Painting workshop.

* * *

**“** **I** s that a dog?”

Ugh. For God’s sake. “ _No, it isn’t Luhan._ This is a pig. That’s why I’m using the pink shade for its structure,” I tried my best not to sound too irritated at that.

“Oh, is that so? Sorry, Yifan. I just thought it’s a dog. With pink coats.”

_‘_ _Calm down, Yifan. Take a deep breath. You can do this.’_ “How about your work, Luhan? Are you done?” I tried my best to emphasize the syllable on 'done', hoping Luhan would somehow receive the hint that I am in no mood to chat with him while he is subtly mocking my work. This, children, is the very reason why I always sat at the back of the room for my Art class.

“Oh, I’m done with it. It’s not really that big, to be honest. But I already showed it to Miss Choi, and man, she likes it! She even asked me if I took Art related courses when I was still studying. I told her no, because well, I didn’t. But she said she loved the shades and the mixture of colors I made to create a certain tint on my work and she even said that if she were my Art instructor, she’d give me an A double plus, if not triple, for my first time. Isn’t it nice, Yifan?”

_‘_ _It would be a lot nicer if you’d just stop talking and spouting nonsense for a while.’_ “Yeah. It’s nice of her to say that to you,” I said with fake enthusiasm. The tip of my brush hardly graze my pad because Luhan’s voice is irritating the hell out of me and I’m afraid I won’t be able to focus and wait... why is the color for this one’s brown? Since when did I dip my brush in the brown shade?!

For a minute there, I truly wanted to glare at Luhan and tell him off. But I wasn’t given another chance to when he talks... _again_. “Hey, is this because of what Miss Choi said an hour ago?”

“No,” I answer as fast as I could. And no, I am not being defensive here.

“Look Yifan, I know you might still be mad at Miss Choi’s words. But hey, that’s just how some instructors are. And since we’re in a workshop and she’s basically our mentor here, think of it as her way of showing affections to you so you would do well and focus more. I’m sure it’s not her intention to embarrass you.”

At that moment, I am just not sure if I really want to be swallowed whole by the Earth or throw my watercolor palette at Luhan’s face. Though I came at the conclusion that I’m fine with neither. I’d fucking do anything just to shut this boy up.

“I am _not_ embarrassed. How many times do I have to tell you that?!”

“Oh really, Fannie-ah?”

_‘_ _Son of a bitch.’_

It all started when we were asked to introduce ourselves in front of our fellow Art-curious mates (what is this? High school?! And Art-curious mates?! Really?!). There’s nothing I hate more than the stupid and cliche “Introduce yourself” portion at the beginning of every school year. Just when I thought that I’m over those times, this said to be Art facilitator of us who introduces herself as Choi Soo Bin, suddenly asked us to do so. As the first step of bonding that will soon bloom into friendship, she quoted.

So without any choice, I stood up just after Luhan’s (I’m right with his name, by the way) rather cheerful introduction. Too cheerful, in fact, for my liking. But everyone in the workshop, even Miss Choi, liked the boy’s attitude.

“Name is Wu Yi Fan. Chinese. 25.”

“If you look at that, we have here another Chinese after Luhan. And he’s 25. I’m just 3 years older. And his name is so cute everyone. Would you mind for a certain nickname dear?”

“Well, honestly I-”

“It’s settled then! We’ll call you Fannie! Just like how we call Luhan Hannie. You’re Fannie. So, class, we have two Chinese for this season’s workshop. They’re Hannie and Fannie!” and the witch chuckled like playing with my name was the most entertaining thing ever.

And before I know it, _everyone_ is calling me Fannie! Even Luhan is chuckling with the horrifying nickname I have been given!

_“_ _Hey, Fannie hyung, can you hand me over that extra brush on the table next to yours?”_

_“_ _Fannie hyung do you have an extra pen?”_

_“_ _So Fannie, where do you exactly live?”_

_“_ _Do you wanna hang out with us later, Fannie?”_

And that was not even the worst.

“Oh dear, we’re supposed to paint a sunny sky, not a rainy one, Fannie.”

“Hey Miss Choi, that does kinda rhyme don’t you think?” an unknown student, _bitch_ , even noticed. And before I could argue, Miss Choi already has his eyes sparkling at me. With a flick of a finger, she said, “Well that’s right! Sunny, Fannie, Rainy. I like that fast-thinking, Sooyang.”

And then I start to wonder if I enter the right place for Watercolor Painting workshop when they all started singing, _“Rainy rainy go away~ Little Fannie wants to play~”_

So in the end... “No. I am not embarrassed.” I said with finality in my voice.

_‘_ _I am fucking embarrassed.’_

“Hey Fannie, aren’t you done yet?” The sickeningly sweet voice of Miss Choi cut me off from my reverie. “Workshop will be over in ten minutes and you’re the only one left. May I see what you got there?”

Before I could ever do anything to cover my work from Miss Choi, she already took a hold of my watercolor pad and raises it on the light so she could study it clearly. I gulp down my throat and awaited for a peal of laughter that I’m sure will soon to follow.

“Whoa what a unique idea, Fannie-ah! No offense Hannie darling but I think I can give this pinkie dog an _A++++_ if I were your Art instructor!”

_Fuck my life._

* * *

**I** t was past 5 when I left the workshop. Today’s Thursday and it’s my second day trying to learn the art of watercolor painting. Nothing much happened. Miss Choi only discussed the basic techniques in painting. Color, space, light, composition, things I couldn’t really care less. She showed us some of her sample watercolor paintings, mostly flowers, and gave us a task to show our appreciation to nature by painting them. Because nature, she says, is one of the most common elements that trigger art. Ugh.

The sky is dark when I step out of the building. The sun was yet to be seen due to the change of the season. The spot that I’m walking on is kinda moist. The air is colder than usual and the people each have an umbrella they carried with them, with the fear of the possibility of raining. Just your typical situation every Autumn.

That day, I decided to push my luck and go through with the 30-minute walk to my house. I have already decided not to bring my car this morning. For some reason that I wanted to walk my way to the workshop. Probably to enjoy the weather. Though I can see no reason to like the season of the dead.

Putting my hands inside the pocket of my jacket, I began heading to my path. Though of course, my inner peace isn’t long-lived when a particular soft yet annoying voice called out my name from a distance. “Yifan!”

_'Just ignore it.’_ That was my instinct talking. A solution to avoid an unfortunate encounter with the owner of the said voice. I tried to do so. I act like I hadn’t heard someone calling for my name and walk forward, without looking back. Hoping that the voice will soon fade into the distance and probably leave me alone. _‘Isn’t eight hours of suffering not enough?!’_

“Yifan wait! Hold on a second!”

I walked faster than I could with my long limbs. Hopefully, the annoying boy wouldn’t be able to catch up with his obviously much shorter legs. But it seems like Luhan really did prove his self worthy of that gold medal he won on high school for a 200m sprint race (don’t ask me why I knew, ask the blabbering Luhan why he loves telling rubbish things to strangers). Because in just a matter of time a hand reached for my arms, catching me in surprise. I have no choice but to look back. Luhan’s stupid bright smile and a small chuckle, while he catches for his breath, greeted me.

“Wow! Now I feel like I certainly am getting older. I couldn’t even run that fast anymore without feeling like my lung’s gonna explode any second,” Luhan said between catching breaths, his hands resting on his knees while he bends slightly.

“What are you doing?” _‘following me,’_ I wanted to add but decided against it.

Luhan only flashes his lively grin. I’m too used with it by now (the boy probably feels like he’s some sort of a beaming fairy, giving a smile to everyone he sees). But that doesn’t mean it does not annoy me to the core.

“Why following you of course!” he answered, too passionate for my liking.

“I can see that. But why?” _‘Of billions of people living in this Earth, why does it have to be me you gotta pester?’_

“You’re walking today, right? Let’s walk home together!”

“Walk home together huh?” _‘Great.’_ “How are you even sure that we’re taking the same path to walk home together?”

He tried to think for a second, his eyes twitching adorably ( _what the fuck?!_ ), and his pouty lips (again, _what the fuck_?!) pressed into a thin line. Flicking his fingers after an idea that probably popped in his head a few seconds ago, he stares at me with eyes that are sparkling in a way I do _not_ like.

“I’m not. It’s easy though. If we’re not down on the same path, then we just have to separate in the middle of the road!”

_‘_ _Does he ever stop smiling?!’_ I tried to calm my breath before answering, “Fine.”

I guarantee that I’ll always bring my car with me again after this.

We started walking together. Me in silence, and Luhan humming to some random songs. We walk side by side, with Luhan almost leading. I couldn’t help but notice Luhan’s funny way of walking. The petite boy was moving ahead with moderate steps, even occasionally jumping forward, For a moment, he looks like a child. An innocent little boy (even though he’s a year older than me) who took joy onto simple things such as walking.

The thought kinda makes me wanna laugh. A little.

“Hey.” I almost got caught up with my own thoughts if not for Luhan who called for me. He’s now on my side again, hands fiddling with the strap of his messenger bag. I raised an eyebrow.

“What?”

“Why did you join the workshop?”

I halted for a second. And Luhan stares at me. Worry and curiosity shone on his eyes as he asked, “Are you okay?”

I wanted to shake my head no and answer. “I am not okay. How can I be when your questions always pierced me straight on the heart?” But instead, I come up with a small “Yes” and a nod. I pace again with him following beside.

“Look, this is only out of pure curiosity and no offense intended. But you’re clearly not the type who is fond of the concept of watercolor painting. Or on Art in general. If I were to be truthful, you look as if you simply have no interest with it all and-”

_“_ _My soulmate loves Art.”_

“Excuse me?”

I swallowed the lump forming on my throat and look at Luhan in the eyes. “I sign up for the workshop in hopes of reconciling with my soulmate.”

It was a complete silence that follows. Except for the sound of the wind and engine pf cars running from the street. For a moment, I completely lost it. What am I even thinking? Making another complete embarrassment out of myself in front of the same person _again_. But Luhan’s gaze looks so soft as if he understands. I almost believed he did, for a second. Except he did not.

A pit of laughter instead follows.

I’m not sure what am I even hoping to be this disappointed. But I balled my fists in anger, staring hard at the laughing boy beside me. My jaw was clenched tight, and I can feel myself exploding into anger if Luhan did not stop any minute by now.

I closed my eyes, hoping to calm myself when Luhan started clapping like a seal. The sound of his merry laughter echoing on the road. I could not take it anymore. Not when Luhan rubbed his flat stomach, probably due in pain from laughing too much, as if he just heard the most hilarious punch line from me.

I want to smile out of bitterness. Only that second all I could do was stand in silence, again. Luhan tried to recompose himself, wiping the tears that formed in his eyes due to excessive laughing. Chuckling, he looks up at me and stopped. If my expression was transparent enough to show him that I am obviously not amused, I am not sure. Though I can say he surely sensed that I am not in the mood to laugh. Clearing his throat, he said, “Hey-”

“You think this is funny? A matter to laugh at?”

“What? No-”

“Forget it. Don’t ever follow me again. Or even speak to me. I don’t want anything to do with you anymore.”

I turned my back on him and headed to the left direction where the path of my home is. I didn’t bother looking back, nor did Luhan bother to call for me again. _‘It’s much better this way,’_ I thought to myself. Someone as simple-minded as Luhan, who probably believes in happy endings and the goodness of the world, will never understand the real meaning of pain and sadness caused by the person who once holds your heart.

* * *

**“** **L** et’s call off the engagement, Yifan. I can’t marry you anymore. I’m in love with someone else now. I hope you understand. I’m sorry.”

I grip my phone tight. So tight I could feel my knuckles turning white. I soon threw it on the bed, I feel my eyes prickling in tears. I run my fingers over my hair, grasping on my locks hard. Everything hurts.

I should have never opened the damn phone in the first place. I should have never messaged Joohyun last night, asking to talk. I should have never get my hopes up. I should have never read that.

And now what do I do? The excruciating pain is killing me. Not more than 5 sentences. That’s all she can say?

We’ve known each other since we were young. Been each other first everything. And we’re not just friends or best friends. We were more than that. Joohyun is _my soulmate_. The love of my life. My best friend, my companion, my everything. We share our dreams, and I’d bet everything no one ever knew her better than I do. So I don’t understand why... why she can’t explain things to me. Why she opt onto saying ‘I’m sorry’ instead of making me understand why she suddenly became the person she once said she would never be.

Then the realization hits me. Maybe Joohyun isn’t the same person I know so well like the back of my hands anymore.

That night I decided to drown myself in alcohol. Because obviously, there’s no better companion than a can of beer. Not like I have a lot of friends to run to while I tend on my broken heart. And it’s also not like I’m ready to face everyone yet.

I went to the nearest convenience store from my apartment, help myself up to buy at least nine cans of beer. After paying, I was about to head out when a memo board beside the glass doors caught my attention. Normally, things like this wouldn’t have piqued my interest. Especially when my mind is too occupied. But the tangerine-colored sticky note in the middle of the pastel blue and baby pink ones caught my attention. Unknowingly, I grip the paper bag full of beer on my left arm as I walk nearer to the memo board. Removing the said sticky note, the words in it are written messily yet elegantly at the same time.

**“** **Never give up the person or things you love.”**

At the bottom of the note, a small Autumn leaf was drawn.

I smiled a little. I decided to keep it inside my jean’s pockets and walk home.

Even if I drowned myself with my misery and insecurities that night, I have no plans of giving up Joohyun. The small note in my pocket told me so too.

Though I wasted most of the following days cooped up inside my apartment, I’d still like to make things clear. No, I am _not_ depressed. I simply need time. Just like how Joohyun needs time to rethink her decisions. I admit I am worried and anxious, hesitant even. The thought that all of this would fall into nothing creeps into my mind and that keeps me awake at nights. Overthinking my relationship and future with the only girl I've ever loved. But when the sunrise came I’d remind myself of who I am. And that is Wu Yi Fan. Never in my life have I ever been hesitant, or nervous. I always plan things ahead. To get a more than satisfying result. It’s no different from the situation I have right now with Joohyun.

I just have to plan things, court Joohyun again if necessary, make her realize how wrong her decisions are. I just have to think about things thoroughly. Besides, nothing can come wrong with a perfect plan.

So I still attended the workshop that Wednesday. I came in 20 minutes late and almost everyone, except for Miss Choi who is a few steps behind me (I refuse to answer her calls of _Fannie-ah_ to me and walked straight ahead as if I haven’t heard her), is in the workshop room. I scan the room as soon as I enter. I saw Luhan at our usual seat, his hand raised as if trying to wave at me but I ignored it.

Instead, I headed at the back of the room and sat at the very last seat. With the window beside me and the walls behind. Well, if this isn’t much better. I wonder why I haven’t thought about changing my seats the first time Luhan sat beside me. At least here in the back, no one would pester me, no one would talk to me. Here in the back, there is no Luhan. And having Luhan’s presence bugging me right now was the last thing I need.

Miss Choi came in five minutes later. It’s obvious she’s trying to catch her breath. Afterward, she looks for me and said with an exhausting sigh, “Whew, there you are Fannie-ah. I have been calling for you outside.”

“Sorry, I probably didn’t hear you,” was my only reply.

Miss Choi decided to drop the topic off, greeting us instead. Before I knew it, she’s already demonstrating our task for today.

Though I am trying not to pay any attention to it, I can still feel Luhan stealing secret glances at me from in front.

* * *

**“** **A** rt is a form of expression. And we, humans, have this need to always express ourselves. We want to be heard. We want someone to listen. But apparently, we all have our different ways of speaking. Some write a poem, some simply talk. Yet for some of us who are too shy to speak, or who doesn’t own a pen, metaphorically of course because who doesn’t own a pen? We go to the comfort of colors and paintbrushes.”

I was sitting solo at the back, my hand gripped around the base of a brush as I paint random shades to my pad. Mind swirling into space if not for Miss Choi’s words that faintly echoes in my ears.

“An artist named Marc Chagail once said _‘If I create from the heart, nearly everything works; if from the head, almost nothing’_. And that, my friends, is the secret recipe that each artist needs. A heart. I believe everyone can paint, the same goes for writing, or cooking, or acting, or singing. It’s just a matter of practice and inspiration and willingness and most of all, the right emotion. Might it be sadness, or anger, or pain, or loneliness, or love, we can all transform something that destroys us into art. And that’s the truth that some of us cannot see. It’s the beauty of art.”

Miss Choi’s words grabbed my interest this time. And now I was also like everyone else, under Miss Choi’s spell, listening to the woman with a mysterious grin on her face. Probably satisfied that we’re all paying attention to her.

“So as your workshop facilitator, I would like to give you all a task. No worries, this is a very simple job that I’m sure you all will finish in no time. That is if you were inspired enough.” _‘Oh no, I don’t like where this is going...’_ “Since you signed up to learn more about Watercolor Painting, of course, it is related to the said focus. I want you to paint something. _Anything._ There is no boundary. Delve deep into your heart and seek something, a story, an emotion, a muse, that you wanted to make art for. Our workshop started this September and will end next month just before Winter arrives. You have the whole Fall to decide what you wanted to create and work for it. But before you think that this is an easy peasy job, I’ll warn you beforehand, you’ll be presenting that on the last day of our workshop. Tell us the story behind it and it better be remarkable.”

_‘_ _Is this for real? I’m seriously doubting if I’m suddenly back in high school.’_

“Ooh, will you look at the time. Seems like workshop hours are nearly over. Don’t pressure yourself about the assignment and just remember the things that I taught you. Now chop chop, I’m letting you out 10 minutes earlier today. I heard there might be a chance of heavy rainfall tonight. You better get going. See you all next week my, Art-curious mate!”

I groaned internally, sparing a look outside. Sure enough, the skies are darker today, almost foreboding a heavy rainfall that will soon come. I didn’t bring an umbrella with me but at least Miss Choi is nice enough to let us out earlier than usual.

I was slowly settling my things, yes slowly, because I realized everyone is almost gone, leaving me and a random person in the room. Unfortunately, that random person was the one I am trying to avoid, Luhan.

Sure, I am not that mad anymore. But that doesn’t mean I am all of a sudden fond with the idea of staying in one place with Luhan. I hurriedly put my watercolor palettes and pad in my bag, trying to finish and leave as soon as possible. But Luhan, of course, always has ways of ruining my plans.

“Hey, uh...” He hesitated, probably having an internal battle with himself if this was a good idea or not. But the petite boy decided to push his luck still. “I... I’m sorry.”

I didn’t say anything and kept my straight face. I didn’t bother sparing him a glance.

“Look, I uh, I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m...” I heard him sigh. “It’s not my intention to make fun of you. And trust me, I do not laugh because of that.”

“Then why did you?” I gave him an accusing look. As I’ve said, I am not mad anymore but this boy just has to remind me again of that feeling of being ridiculed when he suddenly started laughing at my face that day.

“Because... it’s just _nice_. Funny but not in a bad way. That someone still believes in things such as soulmates. And I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re a hopeless romantic too.”

I glared at him. “It’s fine,” I said before grabbing my bag and heading out of the room. Luhan didn’t say anything but I can sense him trailing behind. I approach the nearest elevator, entering in with Luhan following. It’s weird because we’re the only one inside and I hoped for anyone, _anyone,_ to just enter this elevator too so I wouldn’t have to share another single space with the boy beside me.

Of course, my prayers were unheard. Again.

“You know, I believe in soulmates too.”

The sudden confession caught me off guard. But I’m quick enough to hide my surprise or any sign of emotion that flashed on my straight face. I didn’t say anything.

“But I guess I haven’t found mine yet.”

I gave a brief glance at his reflection on the walls of the elevator beside me. He was looking down, probably playing at the hem of his shirt. I swallowed the lump on my throat and said, “Lucky you.”

“It’s unfortunate,” he spoke in a small voice.

_‘_ _No, it’s not. At least you don’t get to feel the excruciating pain when they leave you.’_ I decided not to go against him and kept my silence instead.

“What’s her name?”

“Huh?” I look up at him and there I met his eyes, who was also staring intently at me.

“The name of your soulmate?” he repeated.

“Oh,” I said dumbly. “Joohyun. Bae Joohyun.”

“The name sounds pretty. She’s probably pretty.”

I beamed. “The prettiest in my eyes.”

Luhan smiled and looked away. “I wouldn’t doubt that.”

The elevator door dings open. Luhan stepping out first, and then me. When we both reached the exit, he turned to me. “Hey, I should go. I assume we’re okay now? I really am sorry for my stupid behavior last time. Forgive me,” he sounded so sincere and I am not that heartless to hold a grudge with someone over such things.

“Of course, we’re cool,” I nod. Besides, it’s not like he knows anything.

“Great. See you on Wednesday?” he offered a small smile.

“See you on Wednesday.”

We both parted our ways after that. Somehow, the heavy feeling in my chest decreases as I walk, heading to my parked car. I guess I just really am a person who can’t hold a grudge over someone for that long, huh?

* * *

**A** week flew by just like that. A week of many failed attempts to paint something _out_ of the heart. Believe me, I tried _everything_. Soul-searching (whatever that may mean), imagining the thing, or in my case the person, that I really want, and why I want to do this. It all comes down to one conclusion in the end. It is to woo Joohyun back and build the perfect future I always imagined with her.

Nothing works. For the whole weekend, all I did was stare at the blank pad and the untouched brush and watercolor. So when Wednesday came, you could pretty much say I’m quite grumpy and bitter when I overheard the others discussing the progress they made. Even Luhan, who is sitting at his usual seat, was talking animatedly to some random girl who I honestly don’t know the name, as said girl is showing Luhan her pad. Luhan probably sensed my staring because he turns in my direction, nodding his head as if to acknowledge my presence with a small smile. I did the same before going to my now-seat at the back and sulk there alone, waiting impatiently for Miss Choi.

When Miss Choi came she only asked us about the situation of our task, a question I’ve been dreading the most because mine was yet to process. As much as possible, I tried my best to hide at Miss Choi’s sight throughout the whole day. Good thing I was in the back. And when she was about to approach my seat, someone will stop her, asking for guidance, before she can even get to me. And voila, she’ll forget about her real intentions of pursuing me, and instead focused on the others who seek her help. Something I noticed about Miss Choi was that she loves it when someone voluntarily calls for her, asking her questions and assistance.

Sad to say as the other continuously make improvements regarding their work, my pad’s still as colorless as before. I tried making something (I tried to paint Joohyun’s face, I also tried to paint our dream house), and when I realized I wanted to paint a cherry blossom tree for her, the workshop hours are over and all I could come up with was a single stroke of a pink color on my flawless pad.

I came back to fix my things after washing my hands clean. Though it was not an empty room as I thought it would already be once I came back. Luhan was standing beside my table, looking at my blank pad. Almost blank pad (I still like to take credit for that single stroke).

“Hey!” I quickly run to him, hopefully, to close my pad before he could take a glimpse of it, though I bet he already did judging the way he looks at me with amusement. I closed my pad as soon as I get to it, putting it in my bag along with my other art materials.

“Hey again!” I laugh awkwardly once I shoved everything back in the confines of my bag.

“Hey to you too. Again.” A small smile adorning his lips.

“So...” I took a deep breath. “Did you see anything?”

“If by see anything means seeing your blank pad, with the exception of that pink shade stroke of course, then yes I did.”

“Oh. That’s... great.” I nod, nervously biting on my bottom lip. I chose not to face him as I carry on my bag and internally plan how I will flee out of this another humiliation.

“So you see... I think I gotta-”

“What are you intending to paint?”

“H-Huh?” Luhan just stares at me with a knowing look while crossing his arms, lips still bent up in a smile. _‘Should I tell him? Why would I? Why would I not? Oh, for fuck’s sake!’_ “It might not look like it yet but the pink shade is for... well... cherry blossom t-tree,” I answered, avoiding his gaze.

‘Maybe he’ll laugh at me again. Maybe he’ll think _“Cherry blossom tree? Seriously? Anything new?”_ Yeah, that’s probably what he’s thinking right now.’

After spending the last few minutes in utter silence, I decided that I really should go. But before I could open my mouth, he said all of a sudden, “Do you want me to help you?”

“What?”

Luhan chuckled, “I said, do you want me to help you? It’s apparent you’re struggling with painting. And it looks like you’re not precisely fond of art in the first place. It will be much harder for you if you keep all of this to yourself without seeking any help from the professional.”

I raised my eyebrow. “You’re a professional now?”

He shrugged and smiled, “Not really. But if you really want an expert to help you then might I suggest Miss Choi?”

I groaned, “Please. Anyone but Miss Choi. The woman will just keep on calling me Fannie while pointing random things I don’t even understand. Before I knew it, the time is over and it all became an abolute waste.”

“Well, I wouldn’t call you Fannie. At least not as much as Miss Choi. And I’ll try my very best to help you paint the best cherry blossom tree. So, will you accept my offer?” Luhan grinned at me.

I rolled my eyes, but this time, not out of irritation but something else. An emotion that’s probably close to amusement. All I see is Luhan’s orbs looking at me pleadingly, with a spark that I have never seen before, and a smile just automatically crept up on my face on its own.

“It’s for your soulmate, right? The cherry blossom tree?” Luhan asked.

“Yeah. Joohyun loves it.”

“Then she deserves the best cherry blossom tree ever painted by you.” The way Luhan points at me with exaggeration and a bow almost sending me into a rolling fit of laughter. I tried my best not to, of course. But a small laugh that escaped my lips didn’t go unnoticed by the beautiful boy, making him smile as his forehead creased in the most adoring way.

I snort, “Fine. It’s not like I have a choice anyway. I’m sure you’re just gonna bug me until I say yes because that’s just how persistent you are, amateur.”

“Uh-huh, I’m glad you know. From now on, this amateur will teach you everything he knows and helps you win over your lost soulmate. Prepare yourself to be amazed,” the smaller even wink.

I just shook my head and walk out with a small smile. Luhan followed me. Something about his presence that I’m slowly getting used to it by now. Surprisingly, through the whole elevator ride, I didn’t exactly mind the way Luhan talks too much about things I could care less about. Sure, I still do not care and I probably didn’t even comprehend half the things he’s saying. But it doesn’t irritate me the way his excessive talking does before.

Yeah, that’s a good thing, I like to convince myself. As I have accepted his offer to help, I should probably really get used to his nonsensical words.

_‘_ _The things I do for Joohyun,’_ I sighed.

“Hey, Yifan.”

“What?”

“Wanna go grab a coffee before you go home?”

I look at his bright smile and hopeful eyes. I grunted. The elevator door opens. I groan even more as soon as I saw the heavy rain from the glass walls outside.

I look back at Luhan who still has this buoyant smile in him. “Come on, drink coffee with me. It’s raining and the weather is cold, nothing tastes better than the warm and sweet flavor that is coffee.” He even winked.

I sighed, “Where to?”

“At _Brusque Cafe_ of course!”

_‘_ _Great. I promise myself not to come back to that shop.’_ “And why should I drink coffee with you?”

“Because I am your Art coach now and we have a lot of discussions to make.”

“You sure you’re not using that excuse just to spend time with me?” I raised my eyebrow, trying myself not to smile as Luhan’s eyes widen at the sudden accusation. _‘Cute.’_ Wait, _what_?!

“Heh! Wow, I didn’t know you have this kind of side in you, _Fannie_.” He tsked, shaking his head. I was about to protest on the nickname when he suddenly clings his self into my arm. I was so surprised with the sudden bold move and was about to complain and pull away but he didn’t give me any chance to as he tightens his hold onto me.

Before I knew it, he’s already tugging me by the exit of the building as he mumbled words beside me, “Now now, don’t be so full of yourself.”

“We’ll keep this Art related only.”

* * *

**K** eep this Art-related only my ass.

Somehow I ended up telling Luhan my almost-perfect life story. And its sudden dramatic turn when Joohyun ends up cheating on me with her client named Oh Sehun. No, we’re not drunk. I’m certainly not drunk. We’re just two random individuals, drinking pumpkin spice latte, enjoying the comfort of this small coffee shop just like the rest of the people here. I’d like to blame it on the coffee, the season, the rain, and Luhan’s ever so soothing voice who sounds so gentle. So _understanding_.

“So Joohyun already broke off your engagement?” he asked.

I shrug. “Yeah, she did. Said she’s already in love with someone else and can’t marry me anymore. Can you believe that? I mean, I should have known because you don’t just cheat on someone if you truly _love_ them. I guess I was just disappointed, you know? I honestly thought we could work this out. I’m willing to give this relationship a second chance. I just don’t know how she can do this.”

Luhan sat up straight, eyes trained on me, cupping his coffee mug with both hands. “In love huh? She’s already in love...”

“Apparently so.” I tried to restrain the bitter smile that’s trying to force itself out of my lips. “I don’t understand how she could do that. We’ve known each other since childhood. Been together for how many years. And now she’s telling me she loves somebody else. Am I not enough?”

Luhan gave me a look that I could only assume was sympathetic. “I’m sorry.”

I shook my head a little, chuckling, “No it’s okay. It’s not your fault. I should be the one apologizing. I just made another fool out of myself again in front of you. You probably think I’m such a dramatic guy.”

Luhan chuckled. His smiles are brighter than any of the lanterns in this coffee shop. I look around. “I like the design.”

Luhan scans the surroundings as soon as I said that. “Oh yeah. I had my friend Minseok to help me put up those jack-o’-lanterns and fairy lights. Of course following the official Halloween color, orange. Though it’s kinda hard to put up those artificial webs and spiders. As you can see we’re both not that gifted when it comes to height.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at Luhan’s remark. Luhan watches me. For a second there I was quite scared, thinking he might glare at me or pour that still-hot coffee of his all over me. But none of that happens when a small grin made its way on Luhan’s lips and we’re just both chuckling in the end. “You know, normally people would be pissed when someone makes fun of their height. It’s refreshing to meet someone who admits that they’re indeed short.”

“Hey, I am not that small. I’m just not that tall like you!”

“Yeah, I heard Joohyun said that a lot before. I guess it was the only justification you small people could come up with to save your height the embarrassment.”

We both fell silent again after that. And I sort of want to just slap myself for jinxing the conversation by mentioning Joohyun again. Luhan opts to watch the rainfall instead outside of the window. While I sip the sweet taste of my coffee.

“Is that the day?”

I stare at Luhan. He’s still watching the rain outside with an unreadable emotion. _‘Maybe I’m starting to annoy him with my dramatic ass? Just what the fuck am I even thinking? Telling Luhan all of these as if we were the best of friends! Jesus, Yifan!’_

“What day?” I asked.

A smile appeared on Luhan’s face. “The day when I saw someone sitting dumbly at the park, all wet and soaked by the ran, asking the definition of pain."

Okay, now I can feel my cheeks flushing in embarrassment. Boy, I thought we’re way over that.

“Hey, you s-sat beside me too. Heh! Just as when I thought you’d be like one of those cliche characters in the movies or series who brings an umbrella with them. Instead, _you_ sat in the rain _with me_. If that isn’t dumb enough of you too,” I said in my defense.

“ _Please._ People with umbrellas are so overrated. Sometimes, all you need is someone to sit under the rain with.”

Another silence occurs. I didn’t know what to say. I guess part of me knows Luhan’s right.

"Though I will not put that on my to-do list again. Unless I want to catch a cold. I almost catch a cold that night, just so you know,” Luhan shrugs.

I shake my head, almost smiling. But I let out a bitter smile as I answered his original question. “Yeah. That’s the day I found her having sex with another guy that’s not me.”

“Sorry.”

“I don’t know what you’re sorry for. Or what _I’m_ sorry for. Or what my parents or any of those people I barely even know would be sorry for once they found out all of this. It’s not like they’re the ones who stole my girlfriend. It’s not like I want her to cheat on me or I didn’t love her enough to do that. Maybe that’s the painful part. When you knew to yourself you’ve done your best but it’s just not enough.”

Luhan squeezes my hand, I didn’t realize they were shaking. Luhan’s warmth added to the heat of my coffee mug. Is it possible that I find myself relaxing with it?

I pull my hand out of his. Sure, the warmth is comforting. And that what makes it uncomfortable. Because I want to stay mad. But with his hand gently pressing on mine, how could I do that without breaking apart yet again? I don’t want this boy I barely even knew to see me at my weakest state. Once is enough. And I was supposed to be annoyed by him. But slowly, as the hour passed by with us just chatting, I’m starting to question again what’s really so irritating about him in the first place.

I look away. “Don’t. Don’t look at me as if you’re sorry. It’s not your fault. In fact, this is all Oh Sehun’s fault. That boy is the one who ruined everything.”

“He acts all superior. If you could just see that smug look on his face when I caught them. It’s as if he’s telling me, _‘Hey I am fucking your fiance. Wanna watch how I make her scream in pleasure?’_. He’s a class A asshole. If there’s someone who should be apologizing to me, it’s _him_. He changed Joohyun. He’s manipulating her. Molding her into something that was not even her. And I have to save her. I...” My voice got stuck up on my throat and suddenly I hate myself for coming up with only a whimper in front of Luhan.

I look down. I couldn’t meet those sympathizing eyes. Those orbs that seem so sad as it looks upon me. I’m afraid I’ll break down. And he’s not supposed to be someone I’ll be acting this way with. Plus we’re in a public place, for God’s sake!

I felt soothing touches on my back. And Luhan whispering, “Then we’ll save her. Your soulmate. And your relationship.”

I look up. I suddenly wonder what Luhan thinks of me at the moment. Does he think of me like a helpless child? Crying and sulking only for a candy he couldn’t buy? Or a pathetic guy? Crying and sulking for someone who fooled him behind his back? I find myself hoping the former was it.

“It’s not that easy to save a dying relationship,” I hate my weak voice.

“Now now, is that a way to face a problem, Fannie?” Luhan smiled. “I’m sure you didn’t endure the past two weeks in the workshop with Miss Choi always calling you Fannie every now and then just to give up your soulmate now?”

“Please _don’t_ call me Fannie,” I complained.

Luhan chuckled. “Not if you promise me that you’ll help me help you make the best cherry blossom tree painting that will surely woo any woman in the world. Especially your soulmate.”

“You really had the confidence that we can do this huh?”

“Why, of course. If not for faith then, I don’t see any reason why people still strive so hard to try.”

“Thanks, Luhan. I can see you’re not that annoying to be with.”

“Aww, no problem Fannie. I can also see you’re not that grumpy as you look like,” he winks.

I only groaned and rolled my eyes in response. We finished our coffee and exited the shop just as soon as the rain stops. Luhan glances at me as we reach the exit doors. He beams. “I’m glad you’re putting that into use.”

“Huh?” I followed the direction his eyes are twinkling at. It fell on the dangling umbrella keychain attached to the zipper of my bag. “Oh yeah. It would be unfortunate if it goes to waste.”

“That’s nice. I hope you always bring that umbrella with you, Yifan. It’s meant to protect you from further rains,” Luhan giggles and walked away, disappearing from the almost dark road.

* * *

**T** he nonstop knocks on my door took me away from my dreamland. Usually, I wouldn’t have minded the disturbance because I am someone who is aware of the importance of time. I didn’t mind when my nanny at the age of nine woke me up before dawn just to get ready for school that wouldn’t start until 7. I did not mind when the ringing sound of my alarm clock always blares at the perfect timing, just as when I was on the climax of my dream, rendering me awake. I didn’t mind then because I know I have responsibilities that require me getting up early. But this time it’s different.

For God’s sake I don’t have work (I actually cut myself off from any), and it’s weekend. I basically have nothing to wake up early for.

So who, in the name of God, decides to ruin my fucking sleep?! At what time? I groaned and decided to take a peek at my digital alarm clock. 07:30 in the morning!

Another set of knock reverberated throughout my apartment, this time much clearer and louder. “For God’s sake, I’m up, I’m up!” I groaned, throwing my covers away. I head straight to the door, thinking that whoever motherfucker it is that tried to ruin my sleep, will surely get a piece of word from me.

“What the fuck do you-”

“Gee didn’t know you have a bird’s nest for a hair.”

“Luhan?!” Okay, what the fuck...

“Good morning to you too, Fannie. I hope I didn’t disturb anything.”

Luhan walks past me and straight into my apartment as if he’s a regular visitor. I was about to snap at him, especially when he dared to sit on my couch, resting his arms at the back of it so comfortably. Very comfortable in fact. I close the door, probably slammed it, I don’t really care. At least I get Luhan to understand that I am _not_ happy with the sudden visitation.

“Okay so first of all, what the hell Luhan?! What are you doing here?! How did you even know my address?!” I snarled.

Luhan only examined his nails, as if he doesn’t really care about the fact that he just barges into someone else’s house without further notice! The guts of this boy! I am totally taking back my words the other day. He’s _still_ annoying.

Luhan finally looks up and stares at me, his doe eyes scanning me from head to toe. “Okay so first of all, before I answer all of your questions, I just thought maybe you’d like to fix yourself first?” Luhan tilts his head, lips flashing a sheepish smile. I felt my cheeks burning in humiliation. Crap. I completely forgot I am still wearing my striped pajamas, my face probably looks swollen from sleep, and my hair...

“Sure, take your time Fannie! Though I would appreciate it if you’d hurry! We still have breakfast to catch!” I heard him yelling from behind but I was too much panicking to answer.

Okay so here’s the thing, just to clear it up, I am _not_ overreacting. And no, I am not obsessed with my looks either to have me acting this way. It's just never... and when I said never, it’s really _never_ , in my entire life has anyone seen my bare face or my _I-just-woke-up_ face. Not even Joohyun whom I spend some nights with (and no, we didn’t do anything. It’s pure PG-13, cuddling, and sleeping). I often make sure to wake up earlier than any of them (something I’m actually good at), so I could be on my best image when they open their eyes. Hey, don’t “Well, if you didn’t just rashly walk to open that door then Luhan wouldn’t see you on your gravest state! You should have known better how to react to it!” me. I seldom got any visitor, alright? Not even my parents who're living in a separate house from mine knocks at my door at 07:30 in the morning! And usually, I am awake before six.

I immediately put all the creams I could put on my face. Massage my chin and my jawline, rub my eyes, style my hair. I also brush my teeth (oh my God did I just talk to Luhan without even rinsing my mouth?!).

I grumpily walk out of my room as soon as I’m sure I’m back to my glorious, old self again. I saw Luhan still sitting on my couch, with the remote control of my television on his hand, as he switches the channel. I cough, slumping down at the solo sofa not too far from him.

“After almost an hour you finally came out. Thought you fell back to sleep again. I was this close to knocking on your bedroom door.” Luhan looks at me and pointed at his two almost touching fingers.

I snort. “I apologize for taking too long. I never expected a guest.” I glared at him.

To which he only responded with a mirthful laugh. “Oh come on Fannie, if I would have told you I’d come by last night, I wouldn’t have seen that funny bewildered face of yours.”

“Exactly.”

“Please, it’s a pleasant morning. Can you at least match your spirit with the sunshine and the birds and the trees and the-”

“It’s Autumn. Sun barely shines. It’s cold because Winter is coming,” I deadpanned.

“Thank you for ruining the mood.”

“You’re welcome. Now can you please tell me what the hell are you doing in my apartment? And how did you even know this? As far as I remember, even my parents right now do not know where I am.”

Luhan pouted. “Sucks to be them. Well, first, I am here to pick you up. I have something important to tell you but before that let’s grab some breakfast first and a coffee. I’m really starving. And second, to Miss Choi duh.”

“What?! How did that make any sense?!”

“Uh... I’m pretty sure there’s an address option that you need to fill in when you signed up for the workshop.”

_‘_ _Crap.’_ “And it’s confidential information,” I said, nodding my head.

“And I have a lot of charms. Charms that Miss Choi, _especially_ Miss Choi, can’t say no to.”

I could only throw him one spiteful glare. Which he, unfortunately, ignored (the audacity!). He turned off the television and stood up, hands wiping invisible dirt on his skinny jeans. He looked up at me with a bright smile. “So? How bout that breakfast?”

I was being pulled. Pulled out of my own will. Pulled out of my house, pulled out to drink some coffee and eat blueberry cheesecake on the same coffee shop that I swore not to come back to ever since I saw Luhan working there. We were greeted by the same chubby cheeks guy which Luhan introduced as Minseok, his best friend. They chit chat for a while before Minseok turned back to the counter to prepare our order. The cafe only has a few customers that morning. But the mellow song playing on the background added more to the peace and warmth brought by the shop’s ambiance.

“Aren’t your boss like I don’t know, mad? It’s been weeks since the last time I saw you working behind the counter. Don’t tell me you’re using your best friend to cover up for you?” I asked as we sat down on our seats.

He smiled. “Gee, I’m not that kind of guy who’ll use the best friend card just to get away from work.” He rolled his eyes and shakes his head “Besides, the boss will not be mad.”

“Whoever he or she is, a gave him full credits for his or her generosity towards workers like you.”

“The boss says thank you,” he winks.

“I can’t believe this,” I utter as I felt a headache coming through. Sighing, I look at him again. “So what is it that is so important as to have you barging my apartment early morning that you have to say to me?”

Clasping both of his hands, he said, “Oh yeah. First of all, just in advance, you’re welcome. And no, you don’t have to feel so overwhelmed I only did what I know I have to do. It’s nothing really. You don’t have to think much about it.”

“Luhan!”

“Fine! Geez!” He raised both of his hands. “It’s that I might have asked Miss Choi to lend us the workshop room even on the “non-workshop” days.”

“What?!”

“And...” He fished out something from his denim jacket’s pocket. “Tada! She gave me a spare key! We can have the workshop all for ourselves even on weekends. For example... today!”

“What... why... how?! How did you even manage to...” I stare at him in utter shock. He’s batting his eyelashes at me and smiling so sweetly I might have puked. Just as when he was about to open his mouth to answer, which I already have the guts it would be something I wouldn’t like, I beat him to it by saying, “Nevermind. It doesn’t matter.”

“Oh come on, Fannie! What’s the sudden sullen look?! We now have the perfect place and setting to inspire you and unleash the inner artist in you! It’s for Joohyun!”

“Yeah. I just thought your _‘so important news’_ would be something like Joohyun coming back to me and willing to marry me again.”

“What?! Last time I checked, I am _not_ BFFs with your Joohyun.” The coffee and the cake arrived just in time. Luhan thanked Minseok, with Minseok returning the gesture with a small smile and an “Enjoy the coffee and the cake.” Luhan turned his attention back to me, one hand holding the coffee mug. “As I was saying, I am true with my words. When I said I’ll help you, Yifan, I really will help you.” This time, his voice was more serious and so is his gaze.

“Oh. And we’ll start today. So drink your coffee and eat your cake quickly. We only have until noon to use the room, as Miss Choi says.” He paused and sip on his mug. A few foams of coffee lingered on his lips as he stares up again. Offering his brightest grin, he said, “And you definitely can’t say no.”

I think Luhan’s right. He indeed has the charms. Charms that Miss Choi, especially Miss Choi, and surprisingly even _I_ , can’t say no to.

* * *

  
  


  
  


_To Be Continued..._

  
  


  
  


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